Scars of Regret
by Saffy Neko
Summary: Edward centered...a reflection on his past, pain, and all that he wished could have been changed.
1. Smile For the Day

Hi everyone! Here's my 4th writing—it's all from Edwards point of view on a lot of the stuff he went through—this was written sometime ago, about February 13th 2006. Please have fun reading!

—I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of its characters—there's my disclaimer—

Smile For The Day-Edward Elric's POV on happiness to cover his misery

I'm crawling along

Mom and brother by my side

My father stands swift and strong

Feeling he has everything to hide

And when my playmates went running back home

They don't hear me call

I was a fun friend

But now I mean nothing at all

But it means little to me

There's no reason for me to stray

I'll just look at the sun, shining brightly

And smile for the day

And in the desperate acts of innocence

I destroyed life's last shards of purity one day

And roaming with all knowledge of its consequence

My soft heart was left utterly deceived and betrayed

But did I cry?

Did I shed a single tear?

Not once back then, from the deadliest fear

That I would be hated by the best and worst of men

And that I could never undo it-ever again.

But I can hide that away—effortlessly

Though no one could ever make me stay

For I can turn inside-out my deafening reality

And, eyes turned skyward, smile for the day.

Losing my brother once, then nearly again so many times

Has filled this empty soul with despair and made it numb

As my hatred for myself deepens while my love for my brother grows more sublime,

I find that every part of me should be shunned.

And as I finally realize the meaning of sacrifice

That death is merely a breath away from the living

To get what you need you must pay the price

But you know what you've lost is worth giving

And though I've seen the blood and heard the silent sobs, I'll keep it all inside instead

As I slowly succumb while I peacefully lay

I've been dragged though hell by the living, and to love from the dead

But 'till the end, I'll still smile for the day

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--A.N.: Expect more to come! I have two more coming up—the next one will be posted in about a week— 

Please review and thanks!

--Saffyre Neko


	2. Emptiness

Hi--here's my next Ed poem. I think I got the title of this collection from part of this particular poem. So yeah, hope you enjoy--

Emptiness-Edward's reflection on his mother and what she may think of him now

Oh, Mother…if only you could see me now

I have changed since long ago

My foolish hopes and dreams

Have been replaced with an emptiness that makes me want to scream

Out loud…

I only wish to see your smile and face

But I live with the reality that you're permanently erased

And as I struggle through the worst of storms

I long to be held in your arms and kept warm…

We gave everything to bring you back again

Yet lost more than we could ever imagine

Faced with the most tragic consequence

We knew nothing would ever be as it had once been

And as we've journeyed to become whole again

I've been brought through hell and back again

As my tears fall I know the price I must pay

But I secretly wish you were here to wipe them away

Mother…if you could see me now

I know you wouldn't be proud

I'll trudge on until everything's through

Though guilt will always scar my heart

I'll pursue till the end if only for you…

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AN: Thanks for reading, a review would be much loved!

See ya next time--

Saffyre Neko


	3. Living Nightmare

Ok--I finally updated!! And it's my last chapter! --I hope you guys will enjoy it. Once again it is filled with angst, as is most of the original story...so without further wait, please read and enjoy my last poem dedicated to Edo-kun!

Living Nightmare-Edward's remorse over his wounds and mistakes

I see a grave before me and I'm hit with a wave of dread

The mother I knew and loved has long been dead

Confirmed by my scarred memories yet I wish so desperately

That this grave belonged to anyone else—even me

A beast appears before me, the result of the greatest sin

And with horror I realize

That an innocent, tormented girl cries deep within

As I gaze into its hollow, empty eyes

A girl waits faithfully for me, yet showed mostly anger when I came

But I know it's simply an emotion to cover her pain

I'm reminded of the suffering I caused her when she'd cry

But all I can do is wistfully smile as I once again say goodbye

My brother, imprisoned and isolated in a prison of metal

Shows nothing but gentleness, understanding and care

No warmth, no hurt, no touch is for what he must settle

And the greatest burden of all is what he must bear

A mother, now only a distant memory I miss so

A darling child whom I'll never forget

A girl I love though she may never know

And a brother that has no face yet

My greatest desire is that this is all a nightmare

But I wake up and the pain and wounds are still there

These mistakes are swirling into broken dreams

And if I could die to reverse everything, I would without a care

Yet I must go on living…

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AN: Hoped you enjoyed.

Please review. I want your feedback. I want to know if you think I captured his character and perspective well. Let me know. It isn't too hard to type a few words--

Much love, and enjoy your fic-reading ventures!

--Saffyre Neko


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